Full Sat @ sentosa

Lazing at Cafe Del Mar in the afternoon...

...dun disturb me...

... Our many attempts to try to get some nice pics of ourselves :P

.... day till nite... ZZZZ......

..... Happy Feets....

.......followed by a sumptuous dinner at the World Gourmet Summit closing bbq. It was indeed a gastronomic event. Get to try most of the top rest. in Spore who were selected for this event. The most unforgetable is the Foie Gras. It was so good that I had to have 2 servings! *Orgasmic* .... Hmmmm.... A pity we dun drink cos there's also free flow of german beer.

The nite was fun, we had a great time chatting with one of the master chef and his other chefs from Swizterland. We ended the nite by bring them to St. James. (now I know I can wear my slippers there). haha... a tiring Sat indeed but worthwhile....

A Fling

Was having a discussion with a friend yesterday... and I mention sometime abt "fling". I was saying a r/s with no committment is as good as = to a fling. But my fre dun seems to agree to that.... so I decided to google the defination of "FLING"

===================================================
flung (flng), fling·ing, flings (by The free dictionary)
1. To throw with violence: flung the dish against the wall. See Synonyms at throw.
2. To put or send suddenly or unexpectedly: troops that were flung into battle.
3. To throw (oneself) into an activity with abandon and energy.
4. To cast aside; discard: fling propriety away.
To move quickly, violently, or impulsively.
n.
1. The act of flinging.
2. A brief period of indulging one's impulses. See Synonyms at binge.
3. Informal A usually brief attempt or effort: You take a fling at it.
4. A brief sexual or romantic relationship.
===================================================

Another site shows:
To have one's fling, to enjoy one's self to the full; to have a season of dissipation. --J. H. Newman. ``When I was as young as you, I had my fling. I led a life ofpleasure.'' --D. Jerrold..
===================================================

And another:
noun
1. The act of flinging.

2. A sexual relationship with someone for a short period of time. Thesaurus: affair, romance, liaison, one-night stand.
3. A spell of enjoyable self-indulgence. Thesaurus: celebration, indulgence, party, good time, spree, bash.
4. A lively reel. Example: the Highland fling
========================================

My friend's defination of Fling: One-night stand, and definitely no feelings involved.
========================================

He also said that he likes the gal but just dun want to commit does not = to being in a "fling"..... chim leh... I dun see the point. haha... like I say, men like to think with different heads ;)

Parents back to school?

The daily topic during lunch hour has now revolved around to my colleagues' kids at school. It's amazing how much our education systems changes along the years. It now seems like the parents are more stressed than the kids themselves. There is certainly high level of parent's involvement in the kid's school activities than it was before, during my time. There are many meet the parent sessions, parents attending talks in school, volunteer works, parents attendance to sports day etc... !!! The school seems to forget that parents nowadays have a job and career to hold !

My 2 colleagues are stressed up with their kids’ homework, test, exam, and their daily activities. It’s like parents themselves going back to school. Haha…

At times I wonder if I'm up for it; Marriage and parenthood. I dun know if that is what I really want. Or do I want that becos it's only normal/usual process ?

Now that I have been single or alone for so long, can I adapt back to sharing a life with my partner? (I mean living together)... Well, no pt wondering cos I think one will never be ready, probably will only learned to be ready when the time comes.

Meanwhile, I am happy as I am now. My current new interest is golf. Starting my class next week. Hope I'm able to make it to the green in a month time.

21 days.

It has been 3 weeks... only 3 weeks yet I felt it was like ages since Pa left us.... Pa will always be in my heart. There are moments that I suddenly will realize he's really no longer ard. I still dun believe it. I often wondered, how can this be true and really happening?

Every night I hope I can dream of him and I did a few times last week. :) I cant really remb what he said to me, all I know it's very comforting. Mummy asks me to put a note pad beside my bed so I can write it down when I woke up from the dream. haha. I think pa mentioned something I had written in the letter to him. He did read it afterall. :)

There is no amount of words to say how much I really miss him. The pain of missing him will never go away, maybe only time can heal to substitute it with the beautiful memories I have of him.

I hate wat I saw...

I saw him last friday at movida frenching a gal. yes I know we're no longer together, but seeing him doing that really just make me sick with disgust. But I tell myself, it's good. at least I see with my own eyes the real him. This is just him, the side I never wants to admit he was or think he's more of an angel than that. Nothing to be really sad abt, just feeling :@

Phantom of the Opera --- Think of Me

Excellent !!!

Longest week in my life

Its been 5 days since my dad passed away. The pain is still fresh in my heart. Right now I’m really feeling lost and stressed up. Mum is not handling it too well, and I hoped as time passes, she will do better. I just have to be there for her.

I think this is the first time in my life I feel the real pain of losing someone so dear, someone I love so much, and had given me unconditional love. I have been telling myself that I was already very lucky to have all these years of love from a perfect father, and what more can I asked for. It was the most beautiful memories he had given me and he will forever be in my heart.

The passed week had been the longest week, ever! The 5 days funeral seems so long yet it passes in just a flash.

Many of my friends and colleagues came. One person that surpries me is jack. he kept telling me how shocked he is and how he missed talking to him and how much advices my dad used to give him. I sort of forgot how closed he was with my parents. Mum was also happy to see him after all these years. Cheryl came almost everynite. Ivan helped spend a nite with me during the wake. It’s was really sweet of him. my ex US counterparts send flowers and condolences and I was really touched. Doc seems to have 6th sense, cos he msg me the morning after pa passed away. All my friends and colleagues were there for me. Thanks everyone. Ofcos, those who gave the most support were family members, I cant imagine how difficult it would have been if not for all my uncles and aunties. It’s time like this that true love within the family surfaces and helps.

Round the clock

I came back from st james only to find that pa condition is looking real bad. It was so worrying that we have to take our turns to stay by him 24hrs. I came home at 2am, showered and went straight to the hospital.

I only want to spend every min with him, even if it's just holding his hands....

Sweet coffee ?!

Ever tasted sweet coffee ? Well I did... this afternoon at Cheese Cake Cafe. ;) I swear the coffee even without sugar and cake never tasted any sweeter. *chuckles* **wink wink**

My Celebrity Look-alikes

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

Mon nite at dragonfly!

I was back at st james yesterday nite (dragonfly). Not that I love that place so much but I was so sotong on friday that I left my card there.

Met des there and as usual talking to him is a nite full of laughter. Dun asked me what is so funny cos I dun really remb the jokes, just that we can talk abt anything and I simply love to see the "nothing more to say" face. I wondered at times that we can chat so freely and happily, is it becos we have no expectations for each other? It's very interesting to think abt if we are really a couple can we still joke at freely as now? Well, maybe? but on the other hand would your partner be angry if a joke was made on how cute/pretty is that gal or guy? I think to a certain extend; it would be be ok to joke abt such stuff but not all the time. And there's also some stuff you will joke with your buddies and friends but not your bf/gf. hmmm.... mayb that's why me and des we're having such great time now, cos we're enjoying each other's company with no expectations.

We also talked abt how strange to know him after such long time. I told him abt how Justin and cheryl got all excited to wanna find his no and how justin bump into him saying that it was fate. It was funny. But if it was fate, it’s one again tempting me with the impossible. :D Such a nice boy, but such a waste that he's still "lost" or rather too "single" for anything. haha

I still wonder how he remb me during poly days... Duhz!! I look so 'goon' then. anyway watever…

3am @ cafe del mar :x

Siow Giok came back from aust. All of us met up to go st james. Nite ended earlier than expected. Des came to meet me and we ended up at café del mar. Though I was there only once with darl, it still reminds me of him. Des asked if we’re getting back together and that we shd since I love him so much. I didn’t know what else to say.

We were there till 430am. He had to cancel his golf game becos he was supposed to wake up at 5am for his game. Haha… that silly boy. But I felt bad abt it.

The after effect

The problem with me is that I’m a very impatient person. I hate the agony of waiting for something and esp answers. My no 1 killer to someone’s patient. I pissed people off by keep pressing for an answer. I know…. Sometimes I slap myself after I’ve done it. I used to be worst… much worst. I already improved but it’s still not good enough… I have to do beta than now.

I voiced out my feeling of breaking up with fran… not becos I dun love him anymore or not becos I dun treasure what we have or not becos I was flicker abt r/s. I thought through the whole nite not sleeping and all that came to my head was wat happened that nite, and how I couldn’t make him happy. I must say his words came back to me many many times, and each time it cuts deeply.

How can a person so dear think of me as such.

I felt like a selfish bitch only placing my own problems first. Then I also thought abt the glitters I saw on his face… I was disturbed and sad when I saw it and naturally I kicked a big fuss…. But thinking back, ok I believed him. What to do with so many bitches out there who like to stick their sticky oily face to him. *Yucks* well i was thinking to myself these few days of how the situation that nite could have been better handled by both. Self-reflection. Ha.

The only thing that went thru my mind on sun was that i was not good enough for him :(

It’s so painful these few days. I realized he is the first person I had let into my life after Patrick. Is the passion and love I had for him enough? I know I hadn’t been good enough for him. I’m sure he can find someone much beta than me. I guessed this time is more painful than the last time… sigh.

I tried.... I tried... I really tried

It was a sad weekend and a bad start to the week.

Thinking back, our r/s started as such that i do not expect very much from him, to a point I do not know if it's healthy or not. i have accepted the fact that we do not always need to meet, even on Friday nites. cos I have a phobia from our last try that he feels suffocated. I also fear that if he tried too hard to commit he will realized that he is after all not ready.

I dun see a vision in the r/s. No expectation, no vision of future plans, no security. but every time I see him, I feel very comfortable. I feel so at ease with him. I really do want to share all his joys and sorrows and be with him always. We joke and laugh abt each other silliness, we scold each other and yet still laugh abt it. we can talk abt anything.. .... Is this love?

Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.
- Robert Anson Heinlein

yes I do want him to be happy, and I know he needs his own space to be happy. I tried my best to give him that, but it's just not enough and maybe it's really beyond my means to fulfill his happiness.

I am happy whenever I see him. Just seeing him for a while makes me smile. I can think of some of the silly things we do and smile to myself at times. I really want to build a life with him, a vision, some future that I can see myself in. Not just living by the day. I guessed I am very much a vision person. I need to see something in my r/s. Actions speak louder than words. Promises to the future will not work for me, it is the things we do together, the trust we gained and the building of the r/s together that matters.

We're lucky that we experience many obstacles in our short span, such as family crisis and money issues. These will help to strengthen or killed it. haha... if we can pulled thru all these together, we will know how to deal with it in future. Some couples get to experience such crises only when they are married and shock to discover the truth of the other person.

My dad's health is a classic example of how each couple deals with such setbacks in time of needs. Darl definitely didn’t do any wrong, just not the way I would have handled it or support my partner. so I told myself not to fault him.

But I guessed I didn’t do it well enough cos he told me something that hurts deeply. "just becos your world stop, that doesn't mean the world have to stop for you." I am shocked and hurt, cos i never knew he could think of me in such a way. I never ever expect anyone's world to stop for me least him. I don't bring my sorrows everywhere I go.

I tried so hard yet at the end of the day I get this result. I suddenly dun know what to do anymore, I tried.... I tried... I really tried... but I guessed I’m still me and it's still not enough to make him happy. It hurts not becos of the efforts I felt had gone wasted but a realization of how he perceived of me. At that point I told myself that there's no point in trying anymore.

Everything went all wrong on sat nite... seeing him at movida 4am unexpectedly, happily dancing. At that pt, I ask myself he's really happy and he love his party life more than wanting to spend some time with me when I'm down? He chose not to tell me he is there so that he will have a peaceful nite partying and drinking? Seeing glitters on his face, takes my anger to another level.... and to make matter worst... what he told me above.... All in one nite.

I cried the whole nite, cos I'm lost. I dun know how I can do anymore to make things work. I tried so hard yet it's not up to his expectations. :(

Angry with myself ?

Had our first quarrel after we gotten back together.

It happened over the weekend. Although it is like the first after so long, it all seems so familiar. Again it’s abt going somewhere on a Friday nite…. (why am I not surprised rite?) haha.

But it does come as a surprised that he came to look for me in Bellini room. I was still angry, I am a petty person at times (I think), and so me still in my grouchiness gave him a cool shoulder. But I guess his charming flair won me over. :) by the end of the nite I was no longer angry, in fact I would love to hug him for a long kiss (if not for his fres being all there…) damn…

Actually I left the nite feeling something else too…. I was rather disturbed by the fact that he’s so high yet he is still out partying. I hate to think what can actually happen and he not remembering a thing is definitely not the most comforting thought. I choose to put the thought away, but it keeps coming back these few days.

The thought of; if he’s that drunk and high to the extend of not remembering a thing, how can I trust that he is behaving when partying? I get angry and mad with myself for getting angry and mad at something beyond my control/ means. Least of all, pissed... cos I am losing faith and confident in him… I don’t know if I shd be talking abt this, cos he didn’t do anything wrong, just that his clause of actions makes me worry. Sigh… guess I should leave it as it is. After all we’re leaving our own life’s, and time will tell if we can accept each other.

My nite at Movida ... ...

Cafe Del Mar

.

Went Cafe Del Mar (sentosa) with Princess pinkie, Donavan, & fran. Nice place. I wont mind going back there again. but fran was complaining of the sun and heat etc.... so I guessed I wont be going back there with him again. :(

I really like lazing in the sun, if not under the shades with sea breeze. Feels so relax and calm. But it's something that he hates .... at times I wonder what does he likes ... ?! haha.... I finaly met someone who's more of an indoor person than me.... haha

Mummy's Bday

It is mummy bday today. :)
We went out for a family dinner at Swenson’s @ changi airport. Every such occasion, I thank god that my dad is doing well.

A sweet surprise

I was totally shocked when I received a bunch of flowers from darl !! It really took me by surprised and was shocked beyond words. I couldn’t believe it for a while and stood there in a daze for few secs. Haha. I was so touched.

It’s really very sweet and thoughtful of him. He knows I was down the past few days.

This really brightens up my mood and spirit immediately. :)

.

Toto.... I want to win !

ok I conclude the hot topic these 2 days over lunch and any free time in office is :

TOTO !!!!!!!!!!!! 10M dollars!!!

Everyone is talking abt it… everyone is saying how and what they are gonna do when they strike… well…. Too bad for them.. cos it’s gonna be me! :) hehe….

SHOW me the Money…. The 10million!! Yippee…. ME ... ME... me... it's going to be Me...

Ok first thing I’m gonna do:

- Check into a posh hotel near paradise center…for ease of collection. (hmmm, maybe Raffles hotel with my whole family). Cos staying home isnt’t going to be safe anymore. Until I collect my money….

- I will just quietly stay indoors cos I wont be able to stop laughing and grinning…. I will smile like a crazy woman…. so ple might guessed that it’s mie that strike the toto… so staying indoors is saver…

- Start surfing the web for houses to buy… and which bank gives the best interest rates…

- Early sat morning with dark panda eyes … collect my $$ !!!

- Bank in my $$.

- Shopping with family…. Gonna buy my wallet that I have been talking abt for 2 years…. Buy my LV bag, buy my mum few bags, and dad the latest cannon camera, my bro a car, my darl a nice belt, and many many hugo boss shirts since he complain I only buy him G2000 shirts.

- Then I will go home sleep.

How nice…. :) so happy! Pls let me win, I will be a good gal.

Gong Xi Fa Cai (I love this year)

Yippee… the year is finally over!! It’s a brand new year and a good year! The Year of the Golden Pig…. and…. I’m a dragon…. So it’s double good! :)

Gong Xi Fa Cai, Bu Bu Gao Sheng !! good health and beauty always…

I hope my dad health will get better.

Oh mum hope that I will find someone this year and get married soon !! haha… seems tough leh… but must have positive thinking… believing that it will happen will happen.

My Cute Boy

Fran say I cant scold him cos it’s CNY…. So I came up with substitute words like; “CB” and “NB”.

“CB” – cute boy
“NB” – nutty boy

“comfortable-ness”

I do not know how fran and me suddenly ended up back together. It just happened. There isn’t any excitement or romantic moments but just feeling of “comfortable-ness”. I just feel very much at ease with him. Ofcos the happy moments of us laughing together, poking him just to see his going to be irritated face, squabbling over silly stuff… all these are just very comfortable.

I told him that this time we should continue to lead our own life and not live the life of each other. Probably last time we failed cos we try to hard to fit into each other’s lifestyle. This way, it might be good to see if we can accept each other for who we are rather than having an image of someone that will never happened.

I do not know how this will turn out…time will tell.

V Day

It's Valentine's day .... Passed Fran the cookies and book during lunch. Made appointment with John for a drink after dinner to catch up before he flies back to Boise.

(ok in conclusion, never ever go out on V day unless you've a date or you're with your date. cos there is nothing to eat for singles!! We stopped by 2 rest only to find that they served only set meals for couple and nothing from the menu! I mean come on.... are they discriminating singles from eating out on this day? so stupid. So poor me, I didn't have anything to eat, but dessert and coffee... )

After coffee, I brought him to Equinox for more drinks and dance... I think he had a good time, and esp thrilled when one of the gals there approached him! haha.

I was rather active that nite probably due to the coming CNY mood, so met up with Kah Wing for a a movie.... but!!!! :@ no ticket... can u beat that? who in the hell would watched a 1240am movie mid week?! Duhz....?! And I tot most couple would be home by that time making out... haha... sigh... no wonder birth rate in spore is dropping. It is becos there's too much activities to do in S'pore.

"Finishing Well"

I called up many publishers and book stores in spore today.... so many that I lost count.... I finally found the book "Finishing Well".

CNY cookies

I almost passed out due to exhaustion yesterday nite... Never knew making CNY cookies can be so tiring! We started at 3pm by buying the stuff, the off to gmok hse to start making the dough and started to bake by 5pm.... Gmok's oven is really way too small..!!! we estimated that we probably need to stay till 7am the next day to finish baking. haha.. so lucky we went over to karen's hse to bake the rest of the dough...

Well we were pretty ambitious, for first timer like us. We made Almond cookie and Chocolate Chip! That's why we ended up baking till 2.30am! haha... believed me... it's more tiring than partying and dancing the whole nite. I couldn't showered faster... just so to jump right in bed. Talk abt being shag out... :P

Well overall, I think the effort is worth it since the cookies turned out pretty good!

Highly paradoxical

Life is pretty much back the same after the sage with the doc. Working, going for my dance class once a week, movies over the weekend with diff ple, home resting… didn’t have much mood to dance lately so I sort of disappeared from union sq altogether.

I must admitted that the short thrill with the doc puts my life in a state of mess and confusion for a while. Regrets? Deep down I have to admit – yes.

I must also admitted that I am disappointed with myself esp for being so attracted to something so “posh and beautiful”…. But this is a dream that will never materialize. It took me a while to convince him to stop contacting me and finally he’s getting it and have stopped (at least for a week already)….. it’s good. It might be just as well cos after all what’s the point in staying in contact? It will only lead to more hurt for the both of us. One thing for sure is, I still do think of him. Although it was briefed… it was very different.

It was highly paradoxical.

I never judged his actions not so much, becos I was in it too. But also becos he often confided that he felt tortured that he was doing wrong… Absurdly, this reinforce my opinion of him as a good man. And what right have I to judge him, where I myself is also wrong?

Francis told me many times; there is a controllable me and a uncontrollable others. I can’t control what others will do and say but I can control my own actions and be responsible to them. So I tell myself I have to take things into control…

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

Those who are still single may learn something from here.... Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your relationship or marriage ....

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

Here's the answer....

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...

Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that _ expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?"

............ And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown.

People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage..... It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love."

Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your relationship / marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling

Lost ?!

It's time like this that I'm simply lost.... lost of words and lost in direction, and lost in my mind... Oh dear... I wonder why at times, knowing that the decision I make is a wrong decision, yet I still go ahead with it.

busy busy...

Haven’t had the time to sit down to write for a while… Guessed I was too tired up with Christmas shopping the past few weeks… Life was pretty quiet too as I didn’t dance for the past 3 weeks. Wow that is a long time! :)

A few highlights these past weeks…

- My laptop crashed again… I dun believed it.

- I’ve suddenly fallen in love with Mac book! Someone said I had a changed of heart that’s why my laptop dead! Haha........

- Got a new fre who will help me setup a Mac and promise to make my transaction from a Windows users to Mac OS as fussy free as possible.

- I had an “orgasmic ride” in doc’s car. Damn fast and so thrilling. Sound of the engine is so beyond description, never heard anything that manly. Anyhow there is no beta word rite? (that is wat we both agreed on).

- Made up with Francis (as friend). Had dinner with him that day and it really amuses me how someone can party as hard as him! Haha...

It’s 4 days away to a new year. Will take the next few days to do some reflection.

Busy day/ bad news/ funny doc

Wat a busy day at work…. Non stop almost went insane!!! At the end of “market close” my hair was in a messed and I realized that I didn’t go toilet the whole day despite drinking water! (I called it “market” close becos no more shipments can be made after that). Anyway, tomw is another tough day, can't wait for stan and eve to be back… sob… I missed them…

I received a bad news yest from the oncology. The tumor in my dad had sort of invaded into his liver. The ct scan did earlier this week shows invasion that was not previously there. According to the doc, it seems like it’s now in 4th stage. I don’t know what to say, all I could managed was to ask the oncologist if we should let my dad know. It's very disheartening to know that the chemo sessions he went thru is not helping. Sigh… …….

Well at least doc managed to cheer me up a little after tat with some msg-es. Anyway, I replied after tat and so we ended up chatting… over sms again… oh he’s really quite funny and creative. One of the sms goes…
Doc: if u wish, u have d option of banking in our ebank fixed time deposit, with 0.1 wish per annum.. After banking ten years, u will have one more extra wish. ;)

Haha…

Ok back to work now… gotta finish some orders before I go for my “body movement” class.

(If i have a wish now... all I hope now is my dad will get well).

Hope this week fly pass quickly

It's gonna be a busy week with 2 other of my colleagues out .... ! Plus I'm having a sore throat and cough... sob.... I'm really looking forward to Friday evening, not going anywhere but rest!

Happening week

Was really too lazy and busy to write lately. Weekends were mostly packed with activities and so very precious. So let me recap back and unfold the past encounters recently...hmmm...

- Movie Craze:
** Happy Feet:
Watched with salsa group, total 8 of us. That was after the "LUST, CAUTION BACHATA NITE" @ Bar None by Groove... sucks big time. Hardly time for us to really dance and before we knew it, the event was over. Felt cheated of our $10. :@ At least the show was cute.

** James Bond:
Saw this with mr JB after salsa nite. I got a shock when he gave me a rose! I really din know how to react. Anyway it kind of scares me even more when he brought a jacket for me thinking that the cinema will be cold… and half way thru the movie, e cinema was quite stuffy and warm, he start fanning me thru-out the show. I dunno if I felt touched or scared that he seems so attentive of my each and every move. I think more of the latter.

** Battle of Wits:
Saw this with my dance idol @ Vivo. I think I prefect looking at him dancing. haha

** Just Friends:
Watched with keryn, John and FF. It was ok. A part of the movie kinda made me wonder if it is true. It says that when 2 parties (a guy and a gal) fall into a routine of comfort friendship, it became hard for them to be a couple.... hmmmm.... I really wonder. Probably I need to do a little survey and ask ard if there is any truth in this theory.

Actually come to think of it.... none of my relationship is formed out of long lasting friendship. I have never been with a guy I m friend with for a long time. It was mostly developed during the initial stage of discovering the person. I think I tend to like excitement. The trill of discovering the person's character and past excites me. I enjoyed the initial stage of discovering, it's like opening up many presents all nicely wrapped, the thought of not knowing what is inside each of these boxes spurred me to want to quickly open and discover it. So while I'm so immersed in opening these presents, I accept all good and bad gifts inside these with no time to reject. haha... well... that is my silly analogy abt myself... i dunno why I associate it with presents, mayb becos of the Christmas mood I’m in. haha. So this Christmas, I tell myself I will take time to select my "gift"...

- New friend:
I gotta know a new friend who became an sms pal over the weekend. He was actually my dad's surgeon. A very young and cute doc. Ofcos he left an impression as he was the one who broke the painful news to us abt my dad's cancer. He patiently explained the whole illness and operation procedure to us. And he was also the doc that came to talk to mum and me after the operation, telling us the tumor can’t be removed. I remembered that I was really trying so hard holding my tears back in front of him, not wanting to cry in front of a stranger least a doc who had already done his best. My eyes were swam with tears and I remembered his face looking so sad not knowing what to say to us. The other docs don’t seems to look as emotional as him, I remembered.

After that we had 2-3 sms exchanges on some medical advises. And surprisingly, just last Tues he sends an sms asking abt my dad. I was really surprised….

... so this was how I gotta know doc more thru many sms-es over the weekends.... Found out he's 30 (despite his super young and cute face). I thought he was 27 but the way he speaks sure sounded like an experienced doc. He studied in UK since sec 2 just so to skip a few years! Spent 9yrs in UK! He worked long hours due to his specialty. He certainly has got a sense of humor. haha.

Lasik...I Can See Clearly Now

I Can See Clearly Now ... ...

***LYRICS***

... I can see clearly now the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It's gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) sunshiny day.

It's gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) sunshiny day.

Oh yes, I can make it now the pain is gone. All of the bad feelings have disappeared. Here is the rainbow I've been praying for. It's gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) sunshiny day.(ooh...) .........

Look all around, there's nothing but blue skies. Look straight ahead, there's nothing but blue skies. I can seeclearly now the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in myway. Here's the rainbow I've been praying for.

It's gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) sunshiny day. It's gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) sunshiny day. Real, real, real, real bright (bright) bright (bright)sunshiny day. Yeah,hey, it's gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) sunshiny day.

My Sat without salsa ...

Was supposed to go Sentosa today but was raining cats and dogs the whole day! Sigh… my outing was postponed to dinner instead. Which also means that I cant meet my idol (who dated me on tues) for dinner and also means that I can’t go to usq !! ok the dinner with my idol is not a big deal, but not going to dance tonite was quite disappointing. I just felt that something was missing the whole sat nite. It’s like this constant craving for something… that is a dance of salsa… haha… I m going salsa mad… (an addiction).

Adding the fact that I’m going for my lasik this tues… which means that I cant dance for like 2 weeks? AAAAHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…… I dun know how I’m going to survived without salsa for so long. Sob sob….

Someone told me something today that seems rather disturbing. To sum it all up… all good men are already married. Oh dear, really? It’s quite disheartening to hear that even at his age now, he doesn’t seems to know what he really wants after all. He said he has this list of criteria’s that he look for in his partners, but after all the filtering, it seems that he was left with like none...

I sat there listening in a dazed…. I dun know what is more disturbing; the fact that all good men seems to be married (really??) or I might not know what I want after all, just like him!

Frankly, all I know now is I need to find myself. I told myself that the next relationship I enter into, I should not go into it thinking that this person will help fill the void in me. I should not go into a relationship thinking that it is going to bring me happiness but rather I should be bringing happiness to the relationship. I finally understand the statement of “it takes 2 to make things worked, but one must be full by itself.” Somehow this statement hasn’t been clearer to me, than these past weeks.

Our 1st Salsa Party

Wow we had lotsa yummy food, lotsa laughter, lotsa dancing, lotsa practices, lotsa bonding, lotsa fun, lotsa everything today!

I think our salsa party turned up great! Close to 40ple came. Not too bad for the first time. Think we should have more of such party in future!

.

That's the Reuda Group....

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Bachata with Guowei...





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Salsa with Boon.... lotsa spinning!






.

Oh... my fav song..."no me ames" with Nick.

Becos there were fewer gals than guys, I think I really dance a lot. So much so my leg aches by the end of the nite. We started dancing abt 7pm almost non stop till 11pm.

Tried a little of my shoulder roll, and dance twice to my fav song, “No me ames”.

I was telling DK on the way back that it’s addictive. It’s like the more you dance, the more u want to do better, to perfect my move and add more styling and make my dance more groovy and sensual. But how to do that? I’m not too sure if by attending more class will help? Perhaps!

DK made a statement today, “ dun need to dance like performance team standard. It’s just a dance for the fun of it. If by perfecting it means stressing yourself over it, then it’s no longer relaxing and fun doing this past time…”

haha, he sums up my sentiments exactly. I think this is why I felt so at ease dancing with him.

Date nite

I dun know what’s up today? Suddenly I have so many ple asking me out !

1) my idol - someone I admire a lot in union, super good dancer, very charming and charismatic guy, very mature, damn sexy when he dance merengue, He was the one who taught me how to listen to beats, and I used to stand afar just admiring the way he moves…. Well I still do now.. haha… just that recently we have been talking more since the day he knew that I was no longer attached…. Yup he asked me out for dinner then union. I was so excited when I saw the sms… but…….. ……………… haha… I dunno why I turned him down… maybe I like it just keeping it this way.

2) DK - asked me out for a movie….. ahya that is becos there’s this movie abt dancing (step up) that’s why he ask me for movie…. I know he treats me like his buddy…. Cos he said so during one of the dinner we had.

3) my friendster friend (FF) - came as a surprised when he ask me for movie over msn. I was shocked and excited ofcos. Well he certainly got the looks. But recently knowing more of him during our msn chat, I got a little scared cos he said he’s bad temper and mcp. I also felt that he’s someone who needs lots of space of his own. Suddenly he reminds me of my ex that I almost freak out…! I dunno, I think my recent relationship really gave me a phobia in meeting another like my ex again. My gf told me I should not let my past experiences put me off into knowing him. Ya I know… just a little scared mah.

4) JB – also a salsa dance. Very good and super sensual and fanciful one. So fanciful that I feel very stress when dancing with him. But he’s one dancer that gives you the feel that you’re all that matters during the dance. So much so that it made me scared and uncomfortable. Maybe becos he’s too good and I’m just a plain subtle dancer with not much styling to comprehend him. Anyway he ask me out… and I turned down, cos again I just wanna keep it distance and quiet.


So….. I went out with FF for midnite… It was ok.

Tomw we the so call “powerpuff gals” are going to have our first massive salsa party at Mederia function room. So excited and cant wait to dance!!! (note: we didn’t call ourselves “powerpuff gals” cos Gloria almost killed us for suggesting. She said if we do that, she will have to hide the next time she goes union… hahaha….

Final closure

I really dunno how things turned out to be so out of hand. Right now I just felt that there’s no point explaining or talking further; it’s really the best to just leave things as it is. Status co. He was so mad abt the whole blog thing that I wrote abt him and I really have nothing to say if he chose to think of me differently.

Ofocs it does hurts knowing that a person once so dear choose to think of me in another way… the last msg from him was; I had helped him reaffirm that he made the right choice to want out. I said, “same here, we both helped each other to confirm that…”

It’s sad and hurtful saying or hearing all that he said to me yesterday… but we still had all those unpleasant exchanges knowing how much it will hurt the other party…I guessed all these will only stays deeply at our heart in a painful corner.

Anyway life goes on, I stand by my theory, “Everything happened for a reason.” I guessed this relationship opens up an avenue of myself that I never knew. I can only work on it to make myself a better person, not for anyone but for myself.

This should be the final closure of … ...

Tomorrow will always be a better day … …

Disrespect !

I was really upset this afternoon. :(

He posted his blog up in his friendster site. He wrote abt us and what went wrong that resulted to the break-up. I was upset and pissed when I read it.

I know I cant stopped him from writing anything and publishing in the web. I was upset becos it was done in his friendster account. Reason:

1) He has got 160+ friends, and a lot of which are not ple who are close anyway.
2) We have quite a lot of common friends and some of them I’m not very close with definitely not comfortable letting them know too much of a details abt my private life.
3) a number of people in his account are ple from union sq and they are ple I do not really know too, thus sharing my private life with them is not what i like.
4) everyone knows everyone is some sort linked in friendster. I have friends in my account as well that I do not want them to know too much abt my past and what had happened between my ex and me.
5) Although no name is stated, ple know abt me still…
6) I do not like others to judge me becos of what he had written. It’s very one sided, that is his side of story and I have mine as well. So ple who knows me and him reading it MIGHT judge me differently. Friendster is all linked.

He can blogged it somewhere else, where I’m not linked to him, my friends are not linked to him. Not at friendster where he had all his contacts be it closed or not closed to. He might as well publish it in the papers… such a disgrace! If he doesn’t want face, I do care abt mine.

I only choose to tell ple I am close with my past and problems … and not the whole fucking world!!!

I asked him to remove it. He said I was absurd and kicking a fuss. He feels it’s nothing wrong. To me, it’s just disrespect. If you’re writing abt someone, you need to consider abt the other party feelings and presences, not to mentioned that I was ever someone dear. This incident clearly reflect that he’s once again selfish. He once again disregard and say the things he wants to say without considering my feelings. He is only concern abt his own life and how he feels himself.

The whole thing was like a nightmare to me. Suddenly he turned into my ex boyfriend from hell. He just ended any friendship that is left between us. It’s just disappointment to me.

Meeting with him

Met up with him yesterday. He wanted to meet up, so after I got home with ken, he picked me up.

I’m really not sure what is his objective in asking me out. My take is that maybe he miss me in some way and wants to see me?! Maybe he wants to tell me what went wrong in the relationship and again reiterate that we are not meant to be together. He just needs to convince himself it’s such so that he can really let go and move on.

I have on the other hand managed very well… (I even told him that). I was really surprised by my own capability this time round. I was down for only 4days. I thought I would feel much worst than that, but I was ok.

During the talk I told him also that it was the email that sort of gave me a peace of mind. I have never been clearer after writing the email to him. I told him I was sorry that I had not supported him in his career needs and I dun know why I did that to him. I soon found out why. I also realized then he was really a fair weather person.

Anyway, He told me that we do not compliment each other and one must be full by themselves. I told him I totally agree.

I wanted to tell him that I know I was not "full" by myself. (I realized that and I will learn)… but he himself is also not complete/ full! Haha… well… it’s always easy to point out someone else mistake and keep talking abt it... but realizing your own is never easy. But I just kept quiet, cos we can talk till the cows come home, it’s never ending. As long as I realized my own and I’m clear, it’s all that matters.

The funny thing is, I already know and heard all these before, so why wanna ask me out to tell me all these again?! Cannot understand. I have already move on and doing well for the past 3 weeks, so why wan to ask me out to rake up the past again? I told a few friends today abt my meeting with him…. They ask me not to think abt it and he’s just probably selfish cos he just want to say all these to me to make himself feel beta. Maybe… but it’s not impt. What is impt is that it’s over.

Anyway It’s nice that we still can be friends.

A good dinner and coffee session

Had a enjoyable dinner with Ken at Original Sins. Thankfully he said the food is very good, otherwise he would struggle me (he said). You see, he’s a very “meat” person, so asking him to eat vegetarian food is as good as asking him not to eat dinner. Haha… so lucky, Original Sins keep up its name… I saved my neck. He insisted on paying and I felt bad…

Well we chat abt many things over dinner and coffee…. We really talk abt a lot of stuff… nonsense and serious matters. It’s amazing a guy his age is just so full of funny things and nonsense at times. Overall, it was very enjoyable. :)

Ouch

Ouch…! my leg muscle aches…… I can’t remember when was the last time I perspired that much in a short while… was it 10years ago since I tried to bladed? *gosh* yup… I guessed so, the last time I bladed was when I was with Jack. You can imagine how hilarious I looked… all scared and stiff… but I think I did all rite after half hour. I can at least move straight without holding on the rail… but occasionally going into convulsion of fear grabbing the rail for life. *laughing at my spastic self*

Oh Grace brought Yuan Yuan along to cycle, and he kept shouting “mummy.. mummy”. Then Karen told Yuan,

“Yuan can dun call mummy a not, call jie jie lah…” (cos ple will look at us
thought we so old…) haha…

Well… I will try again next week. I just have to overcome the fear. It’s all up in the mind.

Jus another Sat...

It’s strange how I relate my Sat satisfaction/ fulfillment to my salsa nite at union… the nite was not as fun as the past 2 weeks. I dunno if it’s too cramped or wat… but it’s just not as satisfying. I think bad dance = sucks nite and feeling. One of the worst dance I had for the nite was with this guy I knew last week… dun have any connection when dancing with him. Maybe becos he is too fancy esp when he’s from Jitterbugs performance team. Haha. Guess it’s not him, but me. But he has got a nice face though.

But at least I had a not too bad dinner with Keryn, Boon and Ken. It’s amazing talking to Boon, cos he’s just a born sales guy! And amazingly, we all sort of belong to the same industry!!

During supper, Ken commented that if I’m really such a simple gal… I would have easily settled for a guy *pondering on that*… … He asked me what sort of guy I think he is; I didn’t really answer cos I have yet to figure out. Basically I dun think he’s easy to read. Bottom line, it takes time to really know a person thoroughly.

Fav performance

Got a few nic pic over the festival, these few performances were really impressive. so i tot will be nice to share with everyone....

I thought I'll put this up (the video) as this is my fav performance over the weekend. Firstly it's jj performance team and secondly my idol is one of the dancer there. I rush to the front to have a good look... but a pity he's standing at the far end... *evil grin*...

Singapore Salsa Int'l Festival 2006: jjsalsarengue team

My "best" friend in Union

At times i seriously wonder why some ple are just so curious abt my life;

It's so freaking irritating when the person constantly asked ard if I'm still attached, why am I arriving at union alone nowadays, why is "he" at union alone, why aren't we talking, ,... and even if we're no longer together we still can be in talking terms, why mr x and me on such good terms nowadays...

Geeze... can she be more irritating than that? And the worst part is, she never dare ask me, all she does is behind my back asking my friend and even went to ask francis, "where is tricia?"... Duhz....?! why ask the obvious?! WTF ?!?!?!

It takes all sort of ple to make the world round....! Well at least now I know I have such a concern friend from usq! haha...

Me... broke the record ? ... YES ! :)

It was an eventful weekend indeed... ...

Well, most of my friends could guess it… salsa!

Haha wat else rite ? (I can hear ple screaming… Anything new?!) *grin* (sorry it’s salsa …, pls bear with my only past-time … for now…)

Oh the highlight…

Yesterday I took part in breaking the Guinness Book of Records for the largest Rueda Circle with 176couples!!!

Horray!!! It was a nerve-racking wait for the last 30couples.. and at a point I thought we’re not able to make it! Thankfully… otherwise what a waste rite?

Hmmm.. I’ve something to tell my grand children in future… hahaha….


Ok, something stupid and embarrassing happened while I was dancing with a guy…(who’s quite cute)… He’s quite fanciful in his moves with lots of turn himself… at a point, I dun know how, he was holding my hand and brushes it against his face and HIS GLASSES FLEW across the dance floor… !!! Damn… I got a shocked!! I quickly picked it up and THANK GOD that no one stepped on it… I dun know to laugh or to faint … anywaz… again, I made something silly out of my dancing passion… AGAIN….. *sigh, shake head*…

“Duhz…. Are you sure I’m really into dancing ?!”

But me being the usual thick skin and bo chap person… I was happily dancing again almost immediately … but was not so shiok yesterday cos din dance much… maybe only 6songs.

Btw, I got a ride home, yet the person gave me $50 bucks…! Haha… I had better remb to pay him back… dun want a pig head at my door.

Wobbly legs

Surprisingly, I had great fun today. I thought it would be too packed to enjoy but it’s good! I dance a lot, to the point I almost trip and fell when walking up the Mac Donald stairs. My legs were wobbly.. haha.. I’m not the only one, Keryn and others as well.

But at least my bones didn’t arched… well maybe if I’m 35, it might… *laughing*

***

Maybe I’m not so old after all …. Cos I can still watched my 24 Hours despite reaching home at 3am. Oh it took me 1hr+ to get home from Pasir Ris. Haha… blame it on my bad sense of direction!

TKSS nite

Today’s gathering was fun, better than I expected. Besides the usual (Fan, Keiji, Nick), PL came. Fan and myself couldn’t quite recognized him. Not surprising since the last time we seen each other was when we were 16!

(Again, I’m cursing my damn phone… I simply hate this camera!)…

We all have grown up… ! But I think PL changed the most among all the others. Something he said during that nite, kinda strike me thinking.

He said, “Even if we’re attached, we should not live the life of our partner, but our own ….” I know what he meant, and I totally agree now. He told us why some relationship fail is becos some couples try too hard to fit into each other’s life and a routine. We should in fact continue to live a life of our own even if we’re in a relationship. I guess this couldn’t be more clear to me now. But then again, he also told us his gf also complain abt him not spending enough time… haha… Gals ….you love and hate them at the same time !!

Well, I gained inspiration from someone else's remarkable transformation...

I called ... ...

I tried calling him yesterday but he didn't picked up my call, guess he must be busy but then he also didn't want to return call. Actually I just want see how he was and hear his voice, that is all. After all we were together once, it is really not easy for me to just put him out of my life totally. So I just tell myself, I'll do what I feel like doing (in a rational way :) )

I'm not sure why he refuse to talk to me.... I have no idea. Probably pissed after my sms on Monday. Or probably, he's just taking the opportunity to just avoid me totally , not wanting to have anything to do with me anymore, so he won't feel bad abt any anything, or probably didn't want to talk avoiding any further misunderstanding. Actually whatever the reason, there is no point for me to wonder.

Whatever the case, the situation is beyond my control, all I can do is; I can choose to be very sad abt it, or I can choose to live well. I can be the latter... ... but I am taking it slowly. Feeling every inch of the pain (maybe I'm after all a bit sadomasochism)...haha.... anyway, I'll do whatever that makes me happy. I will take time to think abt it, learn from the whole thing, and hopefully soon I will recover and be a better person in my next relationship.

I tell myself tomorrow will be better, and the only way to witness a better tomorrow is to take a step forward to face my fears rite?

"...... there will always be a better tomorrow..."

Withdrawal syndrome plus sianz = lagi sianz (big time)

Super tired and sleepy these 2 days. :@ Something tells me is withdrawal syndromes and I’m quite sure as I’m really sleepy, restless, and lethargic. I hope I can get home early tonite to sleep. So tired… now I’m having regrets abt dinner tonite. I miss my bed, bao bao and the company of silver. I have been neglecting silver…. Oh and not forgetting freddy :D

I also feel quite sian today. I dun know when I will feel totally ok-ok. All I know is that he should be happier now. I just have to tell myself that it must be a relieved for him and he’s better off now. Well maybe I finally understand the meaning of this phase:

“Love is the condition in which e happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
.....R.A. Heinlein

No Me Ames

I found the song....! This is the song I love so much, and finally I got it.

No Me Ames" (Spanish for "Don't Love Me")

I love this song so much, somehow it gives me this special feeling every time I hear it in Union. I thought it would be so nice to use this for my wedding march in song (next time) ... ... the image of me walking in slowly and then my partner swinging me around for a salsa dance when the song pick up... *dreaming, smiling silly*.... so sweet.... :)

But now I realized it's such a sad song... how to? esp seeing the mtv. But then the translation seems ok.... I think I'm bongus... dun even have a bf yet talk abt wat wedding song... so nonsense. haha... Well, i can dream a little rite? haha....

Song: No Me Ames (English Version) Lyrics
Marc: Why are you crying?

Jennifer: Because I'm happy

Marc: Why are you so choked up?

Jennifer: From loneliness

Marc: Why are you squeezing my hand so tight. And your mind seems to be wandering

Jennifer: I love you so much!

Marc: Why?

Jennifer: Don't be so hard-headed. Stop doubting me! It doesn't matter what the future holds. I'm not afraid I just want to love you.

Marc: Don't love me because you think I'm different

Jennifer: You don't think it's right for us to spend this time together?

Marc: Don't love me because I know what a lie it would be!

Jennifer: If you don't think I deserve your love then don't love meI'm going to stay...

Marc: Don't love me because I'm lost, because I change the world, because it's destiny, because this is impossible. We are like a mirror image of each other we are one and the same...

Jennifer: Don't love me to be dying in a war of regret. Don't love me to hold me back. I want to rise above this love deserves to soar through the sky

Marc: I don't know what to say. That's the truthWhen people want to they can really hurt you

Jennifer: If you and I part now it won't matter to anyone else. In this big world don't leave me all alone.

Marc: Don't leave me...don't leave me. Don't listen when I say "don't love me"

Jennifer: Don't leave me. Stop breaking my heart with that "Don't love me"

Marc: Don't love me, I'm begging you to leave

Jennifer: You know very well I can't do that. It's useless, I'll always love you.

Marc: Don't love me. I'll only make you suffer my heart has turned cold with this

Jennifer: Don't love meto run away from your sadness. I want you to love me because you love me...

Marc: Don't love me. One day we'll soar with each other and be together forever

Jennifer: This love is like the sunthat comes out after a terrible storm

Both: Like two comets in the same galaxy

Marc: Don't love me

Jennifer: Don't love me

Marc: Don't love me,,,

Home sweet home

My day brightens suddenly…!!!! Pa is back home :)

Not enough sleep ... zzZz

It was a tiring weekend. Having so much to do and running around from home and SGH.

And it was like salsa weekend as well. Spend Friday and Sat nite at Union. I think I have never danced that much before in 1 nite. Sat nite was crazy ..... dance non stop, and for a period I dance continuously in a row for like 8 songs? I dun believe it myself….

Someone I knew recently told me that I dun seems to be a very romantic person… *laughing aloud*… I just sat there stunned not knowing how to reply.... I dun know what I’ve said to made him felt that way, mayb I’m really not romantic sort, I dun know... No one ever told me that before. :D

It’s also interesting hearing about finding the “right treasure box” theory.

Well…. seeing another established, not too bad looking, and single guy; just sets me wondering if he’s another of the "weird" ones… haha… Well, giving him the benefit of doubt, he’s just still looking for his treasure box that fits. *wink*

Amen

Does anyone ever remember how life was without computer back then?? I can’t imagine going back to those days without computers, broadband, etc…. *sigh* can die man. How boring can it be!!!!!!!!!! Help……HELP! *double sigh* Yes, I’m depressed cos I lost my sole entertainment during the nite! *sob*

…. My laptop died on me on fateful Tues. Amen… RIP.

I hate the chore of finding another. Shitty feeling knowing that you’ve to re-install back all the you’ve in there all these while… Erhh… wait a minute, am I still talking abt buying laptop or wat? sound also much like finding someone huh... … hahaha….

I think I’m in a crazy and cranky mood today. FGIF, I love you!!!!!!!!

salsa salsa.....

Have been thinking a lot abt dancing these few days.

I’m feeling the itch for it, esp not dancing for so long. *laughing aloud*. It’s like a craving that comes, or rather like an addiction. I though not dancing for so long, I will soon forget this past-time, but…. Surprisingly, it didn’t just go away, in fact I craveeeeee…….. for it. Aaahhhhh……..

Well not that I dance damn well and groovy like some of the gals there… but I dun care… I just dance for the fun and the simple way. Oh last week at ADS party, I think I dance stupidly. :D My gears refuse to move… hahaha… I gotta add some oil this week. Better buy a good grade type and make sure it doesn’t squeal. Hahahaa……

You know what’s the greatest motivation? It’s hearing from a very good dancer that I dance rather well and smooth. *blushing*

Emotional issues

Not the easiest week having to deal with different emotional issues.

It’s heart breaking seeing pa’s health deteriorating by the days. Just when you think nothing can get any worst, the doc told us that his cancer is in advance stage, probably only 3 mths. Radiation and chemo will only help to prolong to maybe a year.

In the past months, many docs have been telling us the same thing, but each time the pain is still new and fresh. It’s like a stab into the wound each time the doc tell us something like this. We’re all still bearing hope that he’ll be ok soon, to at least enjoy some time with us. We’re constantly telling ourselves to be strong for him and guess we’re doing pretty well in staying positive so far. But I think no matter how strong a person is, hearing that his days are numbered is very disheartening. Probably no amount of words can describe how bad he must have felt. Pa is one of the strongest (mentality) and most positive men, I think for his age. His will to learn and motivation is amazing…. Yet 2 days ago, he suddenly crumpled into the mercy of the cancer. It’s so sad seeing him so frail, hardly able to talk and walk now. So painful seeing him like this… …

The only thing that I kept telling myself constantly is I have to be there for him, to pull him up again. I know I can do it.